Deck The Halls-Part 1

Trimming the tree is a little more stressful than I had anticipated with an almost 2 year old.  Ha!  Our tree is older, the kind you organize by color and put in color order on a metal pole.  It never fails, one year we get something mixed up and our tree is a less than perfect shape. :)  It gives it character!

Andrew was crazy busy--to say the very least.  He had a fun time running the tree pieces back and forth, back and forth...and back and forth! I think this is the first year that Rory was helpful--he is 6 1/2 so it was fun to actually do something "with" him as opposed to "directing" him the entire time.  I'm looking forward to this phase of life with him.

The boys really enjoyed the time getting the tree out and together.  That is about as far as we got the first night, because, as always, half of our lights have burned out since last year.

I just love these boys and their spunkiness--it's hard to catch a good picture of Rory these days where he isn't talking or making a goofy face.  Can't get enough of these brown and blue eyed boys! 

Being December 1, we started our advent.  We haven't quite settled on a tradition quite yet but for now we've done chocolate calendars.

And...the most important picture.  Rory took this and was quite proud of his photography skills.  It's always interesting to me to see his perspective on life. :)

Thanksgiving 2016

Yes, I know this is out of order but better late than never. :)  This post also makes me realize I don't take enough pictures.  I found about 10 pictures from Thanksgiving Day--well, now I have a goal for 2017!

We had two Thanksgivings; one at our house with my side of the fan and the other with Josh's side.  Lots of turkey and yummy food!

Now that I have a few years of motherhood under my belt I've learned to come up with a few crafty things to help pass the time on holidays.  Josh worked so we didn't eat until about 5:00.  Rory and Marnie were busy making turkeys out of chocolate covered pretzels and oreos.  Delicious!

Overall, we had just had a nice couple days relaxing with family. :) And I cooked a fresh turkey for the first time.  I'm not sure I could tell a huge difference like people say but it was really yummy!

Elliot

Elliot.  The sweet little baby we will never meet here but will be in our hearts forever.

We found out in July that our family was growing and that we would soon be a party of 5.  We were thrilled!!  It took us a little while to decide whether or not we we would have another baby so we were beyond excited!  My first ob appointment was scheduled for mid August.  

The first 8 weeks of pregnancy went relatively well comparing my pregnancies with Rory and Andrew. I confided in a few friends that I was a little worried because my symptoms weren't very strong.  I wasn't that tired and only slightly nauseous occasionally.  It surely meant that I was having a girl since the symptoms were different.  

Josh and I were liked two giddy kids in a toy store at our first appointment but our hopes were quickly dashed. As soon as the ultrasound picture flashed I knew something wasn't right.  At 8 weeks, our baby should have looked like a little gummy bear but he wasn't.  Our doctor was serious but hopefully because we could see a heartbeat.  Elliot was measuring a solid 2 weeks behind.  We had a 50/50 shot; either my dates were wrong or this baby would not grow.  I was scheduled to come back in a week to measure growth.  

It was the longest week of my life.

Our next appointment would be one of the worst days of my life.  Elliot had not grown at all and there was no longer a heartbeat.  It's likely he/she died not too long after we saw him.  I just felt broken.  I wept.  I had grown 2 babies before so what was different now.    My doctor and her entire office were so compassionate.  I wouldn't have made it through that moment without them.

After trying to let my body miscarry on it's own, trying medicine to start the process, I ultimately had a d&c.  It was such a weird day.  I was looking forward to the sleep the medicine would bring because it had been weeks since I had decent night sleep but also hating it would be the last day Elliot would be with me. 

I'm beyond grateful for my amazing doctor, family and friends that stepped into support our family.  There were days I was truly getting by on the prayers of other people said on my behalf. 

In order for me to heal, I felt a strong desire to give our baby a name.  I had recently taken Rory to see the movie Pete's Dragon and fell in love with the name Elliot.  I knew it was the name for our baby.  That was before I knew anything was wrong.   I had read the book Heaven is For Real, and the boy described children there who were still waiting for names from their parents.  I didn't want our baby waiting for a name and it brought me healing to have a name and say it aloud.   Josh and I planted a tree in our backyard as memorial.  We call it "Elliot's Tree."  It is a maple and has beautiful bright red leaves in the fall.  I foresee many family pictures in front of Elliot's Tree.  I enjoy looking out at our backyard, seeing the swing set the boys play on and Elliot's tree just a few feet away.  

 

 

Miscarriage is a silent tragedy and produces silent grief.  It's not an experience that people talk about but it very common.  I was beyond blessed that I literally had a team of people rally around me and support me.  Even though it's been two months to the day, those people haven't left me.  It's a hurt that stays in your heart and doesn't go away.  I'm thankful that the hope we have ensures that someday we will meet Elliot and see his sweet little face.  

This makes us "real" parents...

We are entering a new era of our parenthood--we officially have a swingset in our backyard!  That, among having a mini-van, has really confirmed that we are a family with littles.  Not having a swingset with one child was easy because we could just zip to the park on our bikes.  Having a baby changed that--and we found that having our own little piece of the park in our backyard advantageous.

This is how it started....looks rather daunting.

Rory was SO happy to help and be able to use tools.  I hope he remembers these memories with his Dad and Grandpa.

Rory was a tad disappointed when he realized that the swingset was going to take longer than an hour or so to complete.  He did jump right in and help out and by the end of the weekend he was swing ready!  He loves it and I love being able to walk right out the backdoor so he can play!

When We Become 4...

So, I'd be dishonest if I said I'm not nervous about bringing baby #2 into this world.  I was really pulling for today because I thought it would be fun to have a little birthday buddy, especially if this baby is a girl.  Can you imagine the birthday mani/pedi's for years to come?

Anyway, I'm nervous.  People do this all the time and it's totally normal.  It's just that our family doesn't do this all the time.  We've been a family of 3 almost as long as a family of 2.

Rory was born just 5 days shy of our 5th wedding anniversary.  (Oh gracious, look how young we look!)

Rory will be 3 months shy of 5 when his little brother or sister comes.

We have a good system going here and we've had 5 years to perfect it.  I've jokingly told people this little one is going to rock Rory's world but I think it's going to rock ours just as much!  (In a grand and wonderful way!)

Rory is nearly independent with most basic things.  He can go to the bathroom by himself.  I've strategically placed healthy snacks and drinks where he can get to them on his own.  With Josh's work schedule we are quite independent.  If we want to go do something the two of us load up in the car and go.  We are done with sippy cups, diapers, formula, etc and now we are starting back at square one.  Our original intention was not to space our children so far apart but then life happens and you have to go with it.  I've heard from LOTS of mothers that the 5 year age gap is wonderful, though.  I'll keep you posted. :)

Please don't mistake me--we are beyond thrilled about this new arrival and would not have it any other way.  I'm just nervous about the logistics.  How does 1 mom get 2 kids in the car?  How does 1 mom take a shower with 2 kids to keep an eye on?  How does 1 mom go grocery shopping with 2 kids in the cart?  How does....my list could really go on and on.  It must be possible because parents do it with 2 and then go on to have 3 or 4.

Just in pregnancy alone quite a bit has changed in 5 years.  I've been doing "kick counts" which is essentially making sure the baby moves at least 10 times in a one hour period twice a day.  It's fun--I've really gotten to know the movements of this little one and I may have another soccer player on my hands!  I don't remember doing that before though.  The vitamins are different.  Recommended vaccines are different.  Lunch meat has now been added to the list of things you aren't "supposed" to eat.  (**Do you know how bad I want a turkey sandwich?**)  BUT, babies are still the same, right?!?!

For now, I think it's one of those things that you can't know until you experience it.  As first time moms, of course, we hear all the advice from moms who have "been there done that."  While we, the first time moms, take it to heart it's not really something you can fully understand until that baby is in your arms.   With Rory I was afraid he wouldn't like us or his living accommodations.  I was afraid he would be bored and not have any fun with me and Josh.  Irrational fears, yes, but, hey, first time moms think of these things.  In the end, he loves us, loves his room, his family and appears to be having a grand time at life!   It must be the same way with baby #2.

Moms keep saying--you never think you can love the second baby like your first but then when the baby gets here, you just do.  It's something right now I can't begin to wrap my brain around but in the days ahead I will.  Our family will be growing by one but our love is going to multiply!  Oh, what an adventure this will be!  So, Josh and I are trying are best to push the nerves and anxious energy aside and get ready for this new chapter in life.

Back on the Grid!

Well, well, well....a lot has happened in the last 6 months so I kind of fell off the blogging/journaling grid.  I'm back now--all is well.  Not that anything bad happened just busy with lots of life and things kept breaking around our house.

So, since June...let me see.  The biggest and most exciting news is we found out that we are expecting baby #2!  We are thrilled to say the least.  I found out in early July after a week of church camp.  I was SO tired all week and figured I was recovering from strep throat.  Turns out bambino was already on board!  At this point, baby could and may be here any day.  My official due date is March 9th but I am oh, so ready!  We chose not to find out if we are having a boy or girl so the excitement of not knowing is what is keeping me going this last little bit.  38 weeks and counting....  I never think I look tired until I see myself in a picture.  Haha!

We went to Disney with my family in September--it was awesome!  It was beyond thrilling to see Rory so excited at the rides and characters.  He loved the nighttime parade--actually, he loved everything and so did we.  It was a blast and we will go back in 4 years or so when baby is old enough to enjoy it.  Rory said his favorite ride was Splash Mountain--he wasn't afraid at all!

In other news, I had been working 2 part time jobs and am now just working 1.  I (meaning Josh and I both) panicked about it at first but I really think it was the best thing.  God knows what He is doing and I'm thankful for that!  I love spending my mornings with Rory, dropping him off and picking him up from preschool....I've been able to sign up to help with parties and field trips in his classroom.  So much fun and something I thought I would never be able to do.  He still thinks it's cool for me to be around so I need to take advantage of this while I can.

So, the real reason I haven't blogged in oh, 6 months?  Our computer broke!  Ah!!  Yes, it took us 6 months+ to replace it but now with phones and iPads you can do almost anything.  BUT, I do all of our record keeping in Excel so I was getting desperate for an adequate replacement.  Our dryer broke and cars kept needing fixing so we had to divert computer funds elsewhere.  We bit the bullet and invested the funds.  Hopefully, this computer will last another 9 years like our old one did! : )

Hope all is well with you and yours--and I'm glad to be back to blogging!

What I learned today....

James E Nuckols

June 10, 1924-June 9, 2014

As a little girl I remember Grandpa was always reading or tinkering on the computer.  He was always learning something, reading a technical magazine or sharing a bit of knowledge that he picked up.  He enjoyed the more technical side of life, many things I didn't understand.

It seemed our usual conversation each time we would visit.  Grandpa would ask, "What did you learn in school?"  Since I was in school I always had a legitimate answer.  Grandpa asked me this question regularly and all the way through my nearly 4 years at college.  I can distinctly remember the summer I graduated from UC---visiting Grandpa he asked me the usual question, "what did you learn in school?"  I've always remembered that moment---even where I was sitting in Grandma and Grandpas living room.  For a moment, I didn't know what to say and was a little hurt because I wondered how could he forget that I had graduated college?!?  I said, "Grandpa, I've already graduated college."  He looked at me with a sheepish smile, an ability that all the Nuckols men have, and said, "I know, but we are all students of life.”  He paused for a moment and then said “What did you learn in school today?"  I smiled back and thought of something that I had learned. 

Every visit after that I was prepared and thought about something neat I had learned and added to my bank of knowledge.  I started asking him the same question and he always had something to share.  Now I wish I could have remembered the tidbits we exchanged.

It wasn't until a couple years ago that I realized the life long impact these 2 minute conversations.  I was driving home from work and the question popped into my head, “What did I learn today?”  We've not been able to have those conversations for quite some time now, but rarely a day goes by now that I don't look back at the end of the day and think, "what did I learn today?"  Some days I'm quite happy with how the day went and what I learned.  I learned how to sew a curtain, I learned how to fix a strand of Christmas lights. I learned how to read the bedtime story just right.  I learned sometimes all people need is a smile.  Other days, I look back and think, "Jenna, did you not learn anything?"---and I'm disappointed by the day that got away, a day I merely passed through.  A day that I would have no answer for Grandpa…

Maybe Grandpa didn't intend to but he's taught me a lifelong lesson of learning everyday.  He didn't just teach me one great principle, one great lesson or one great theory....he taught me to keep on learning every single day.  We are never too old, too young, too busy, too tired, too wrapped up in our own world that we can't learn something new.  So I ask you the same question, "what have you learned today?"

4 years ago....

I looked like this....It's so hard to believe that was 4 years ago!  (In my defense, those darn hospital gowns make everyone look HUGE--I was not THAT big!)  So excited and waiting to see how our lives were going to change.  Josh and I did not find out at the 20 week ultrasound if we would be having a boy or girl and we kept all of our name ideas a secret--there was so much excitement and anticipation---maybe a little pain too.

After a long, very long, and eventful day we met Rory for the first time.  Such a sweet little face.  He melted my heart then and he still does today.  

It's just unreal to me how fast, truly blazing fast, time has gone.  "They" said that it would-"they" said it happens in the blink of an eye, "they" said enjoy these times, "they" said these are the best days of your life.  "They" were right--

These times truly are going too fast and as much hard work as it is to train a child up it's also a lot of fun but I need the fun to slow down a little.  Geesh--so we celebrate and enjoy each moment-yes, even the rough ones!

We generally end each night with a song, prayer and then:

"Goodnight, Rory"

"Goodnight, Mommy"

"I love you, Rory"

"I love you, Mommy"

"You are my favorite Rory"

"You are my favorite Mommy"

Be still my heart-- I hope he still says that when he is 14, 24, and 34.  He will always be my favorite Rory.

I can't imagine what life would be like without Rory and I'm so excited and anxious to see what the future holds for our little guy. 

Here is a little peek at our fun filled day:

Rory specifically requested this cake over 6 months ago.  It had to be pink.  Pink.  Not sure how other Moms would take it but I found it hysterical for two different reasons.  First, if you've ever read the book, "The Jolly Barnyard" the farmers wife makes the farmer a big, pink cake at the end of the book.  I'm fairly certain this was the source of his inspiration BUT secondly, my grandfather, who Rory never met, always wanted pink icing on his cake.  I never knew why but he always wanted pink icing so my Mom or Aunts made it for him.  Maybe pink icing is in our genes?

Happy Birthday to my sweet, loving, life of the party, best cuddle buddy, TV loving, soccer playing, bike riding 4 year old!

"The days are long but the years are short"-- a very wise friend.

Being the "Hands and Feet" can be Uncomfortable....

Last November our church challenged us in a big way.  We were offered Challenge Cards--it was our choice to take one or not.  You didn't know what was on the card until you had one in hand--challenge accepted--no going back.  I knew the staff had prayed each person would receive a card for a reason.  So, Josh and I both took a card.

I feel like this one simple card changed my whole outlook--and it was Josh's card.  It required a team effort, which was also no coincidence.  Josh's challenge was to organize our Life Group to serve a meal to the homeless camps downtown.  This would be done through a non-profit that was already involved in the camps.  First, please don't read this and think, "wow--they are awesome for doing that" We are not even on the awesome scale.  Please think-"wow, GOD is awesome."  We wouldn't have gotten through this process without Him, others guiding us, and we have an amazing Life Group.

"How awesome is the LORD Most High, the great King over all the earth!" Psalm 47:2

The first part was just figuring out what to cook and how to feed 80+ people.  It's cold here, so we settled on bean soup, cornbread, fruit and cookies.   Our kitchen turned into a crock pot extravaganza and nearly 4 full days before going downtown we turned out kitchen into a bean soup factory.  Have you ever wondered what 80 (OK, only 78) corn bread muffins look like?

I used nearly every bowl I had to soak dry beans....and borrowed crock pots to keep them cooking.  For 24 solid hours we had bean soup cooking.  Thanks to our rotating schedules I'd get a batch started and Josh could finish it at night, start a new batch, which I could finish in the morning before work and switch things again over for him. 

I wish I had pictures of the assembly line that packed all the meals together.  So many hands working together--we had everything packaged in no time.  

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work."  Ecclesiastes 3:17

To serve the meals, we met the non-profit and a few other groups that came to help downtown.  From there we caravaned together to the camps.  The non-profit has a great relationship with most of the people who live in the camps so they were expecting us.  In some lots, we would pull up and no one was there---within minutes word was out that we were there--and it was busy.  The emergency shelters are closed now since it's officially spring--whether mother nature knows it or not, so this meant more campers.

At each stop we circled and prayed before distributing food or other necessities.  During one stop a camper wanted to pray--he had such a passionate, heartfelt prayer.  He had so little yet was so thankful.  

There was lots of bread--thank you to the bakery that donated literally laundry baskets full of bread.  

At our second stop, the campers allowed us to take a quick tour of the camp, if we wanted to.  I'm not sure what I expected but it wasn't this.  It was primitive and it reminded me of pictures I had seen in National Geographic of another country.  Yet, this was 50 yards off a road that I've driven many times before.

OK-so here is where it gets real--don't judge me.  I know about homeless camps--I know about human trafficking--I know about people who are hungry.  I've seen the banners, posters, given money and food to the cause many times, BUT this is the first time I had actually been there.  This is the first that I've seen it nearly in my BACKYARD--in MY city.  It was unsettling and uncomfortable.  Let me be clear--the people did not make me uncomfortable.  The fact that this is happening today, here, made me uncomfortable.  I can't think of too many times that I've felt uncomfortable.

I had been so worried about getting the food ready that I didn't take the time to think about what we were actually doing and where we were going.  I was more worried about how Josh would handle things.  Once we arrived, I didn't know what to say or what to do.  I stuck with my good friend from our group like we were attached at the hip.  It dawned on me very quickly that this didn't bother Josh in the way it did me.  There was also a paramedic in our group and when I asked them about it, they said it was because they see this every day.  It wasn't that they weren't bothered by what they saw--it just wasn't breaking news to them.  They easily slipped into professional mode and dealt with it.  

Someone had literally popped the bubble I had been living in.  

Suddenly, I was very much so out of my comfort zone and uncomfortable.  It was like my boots were stuck in the mud and my mouth was full of peanut butter.  I feel like half the time I just watched in shock and amazement.  The comment was made that this is what being the hands and feet of Jesus is--I sure didn't feel like either since I couldn't seem to get either to move.

"The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body.  So it is with Christ...In fact, God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be?" 

1 Corinthians 12: 12, 18-20

I'm thankful the veteran volunteers knew exactly what to do and in some way expected shock and amazement from the newcomers.

At one point, the leaders noticed a potentially horrible situation.  For her safety, our group left quickly as she was being watched.  A few people went back to find her but she was gone--the man watching her was not.  It breaks my heart---I guess I come from a different mind set and background.  I didn't understand why she didn't hop in the back of the van, yelling for help.  We would have taken her far away to safety.  Why didn't she scream for help?  Why? Why? Why?  Why is this happening?  What is wrong with people?  How could you hurt another human like that?  

For now, I pray and hope maybe next time we can do more for her.

I am confident I was moved out of my comfort zone because it's where God wanted me on that day.  It's good to be out of our normal zone--there is so much to learn out there.  It was a Father's gentle nudge in an area I needed to see and be active in.

This day made me realize how incredibly cruel and hurtful humans are to each other.  Something I had now seen first hand, where before I merely only heard about.  But it also confirmed what I thought all along--People are still incredibly generous and loving towards others.

"Love your neighbor as yourself.  Love does no harm to its neighbor.  Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law."  Romans 13:9b-10

Down on the Farm

We were able to spend a day with Josh's sister and her husband at their farm.  We went to celebrate birthdays since half of us (me, Becca and Steve) have our birthdays within a month.

It's quite a treat to spend the day together--although we all commented on how fast the day goes by.  If we were at work for the day, it wouldn't seem to go that fast!  The boys have fun playing and although they aren't old enough to play together, yet, that day is fast approaching.  I can't wait to see them running around together and having a great time.

This particular day Becca had a few special things lined up for us.  I go to her when I need to get my fill or being "country."  :)  They are dairy farmers and are able to pasteurize their own milk, which leaves her with a lot of cream.  So, we got our arm workout in and made butter--which also left quite a bit of buttermilk left.  As I type this I have a double patch of buttermilk pancakes to go in the freezer for Rory.  He loves pancakes!

Becca has a home pasteurizer so I was able to have a fresh glass of milk--it is whole milk, and it was SO delicious!!  I love milk though-yum!

Once fresh milk sits, cream rises to the top.  We had 4 pints of fresh cream.  You could either use the cream or "shake it down" into butter.  An electric churn took care of 3 of the pints while the rest of us took turns shaking the other pint.  I wanted to full experience!

Once that was done, we had butter and what was left is buttermilk.  Yum and double yum!

After that, this city girl got a lesson in gathering eggs.  It was an experience.  Rory wasn't afraid at all--he marched right in and said, "move chicks!"  I was a little more hesitant--I was pretty sure they were going to peck my hands or my eyeballs.  (Seen Alfred Hitchcook's Birds?)  I may have squealed a time or too but I got the job done.

You know spring is almost here when Becca starts talking baby chicks.  This is the first "flock" that I've seen come in.  Rory hopped right in there with her and was checking things out.  It's funny to me how he isn't afraid of much.

Now this size chicken is more my speed!  

Shortly after cuddling this little gal, she pooped on me so I went inside to play with Carl. :)  Fulfilling my auntly duties.  The boys stayed out longer to visit with Jimmy and Charlie.  Rory even helped clean out the stalls.  He's a good little worker!

It's back to the city for us for now but we always know where to go when we need some fresh air and good company!