Being the "Hands and Feet" can be Uncomfortable....

Last November our church challenged us in a big way.  We were offered Challenge Cards--it was our choice to take one or not.  You didn't know what was on the card until you had one in hand--challenge accepted--no going back.  I knew the staff had prayed each person would receive a card for a reason.  So, Josh and I both took a card.

I feel like this one simple card changed my whole outlook--and it was Josh's card.  It required a team effort, which was also no coincidence.  Josh's challenge was to organize our Life Group to serve a meal to the homeless camps downtown.  This would be done through a non-profit that was already involved in the camps.  First, please don't read this and think, "wow--they are awesome for doing that" We are not even on the awesome scale.  Please think-"wow, GOD is awesome."  We wouldn't have gotten through this process without Him, others guiding us, and we have an amazing Life Group.

"How awesome is the LORD Most High, the great King over all the earth!" Psalm 47:2

The first part was just figuring out what to cook and how to feed 80+ people.  It's cold here, so we settled on bean soup, cornbread, fruit and cookies.   Our kitchen turned into a crock pot extravaganza and nearly 4 full days before going downtown we turned out kitchen into a bean soup factory.  Have you ever wondered what 80 (OK, only 78) corn bread muffins look like?

I used nearly every bowl I had to soak dry beans....and borrowed crock pots to keep them cooking.  For 24 solid hours we had bean soup cooking.  Thanks to our rotating schedules I'd get a batch started and Josh could finish it at night, start a new batch, which I could finish in the morning before work and switch things again over for him. 

I wish I had pictures of the assembly line that packed all the meals together.  So many hands working together--we had everything packaged in no time.  

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work."  Ecclesiastes 3:17

To serve the meals, we met the non-profit and a few other groups that came to help downtown.  From there we caravaned together to the camps.  The non-profit has a great relationship with most of the people who live in the camps so they were expecting us.  In some lots, we would pull up and no one was there---within minutes word was out that we were there--and it was busy.  The emergency shelters are closed now since it's officially spring--whether mother nature knows it or not, so this meant more campers.

At each stop we circled and prayed before distributing food or other necessities.  During one stop a camper wanted to pray--he had such a passionate, heartfelt prayer.  He had so little yet was so thankful.  

There was lots of bread--thank you to the bakery that donated literally laundry baskets full of bread.  

At our second stop, the campers allowed us to take a quick tour of the camp, if we wanted to.  I'm not sure what I expected but it wasn't this.  It was primitive and it reminded me of pictures I had seen in National Geographic of another country.  Yet, this was 50 yards off a road that I've driven many times before.

OK-so here is where it gets real--don't judge me.  I know about homeless camps--I know about human trafficking--I know about people who are hungry.  I've seen the banners, posters, given money and food to the cause many times, BUT this is the first time I had actually been there.  This is the first that I've seen it nearly in my BACKYARD--in MY city.  It was unsettling and uncomfortable.  Let me be clear--the people did not make me uncomfortable.  The fact that this is happening today, here, made me uncomfortable.  I can't think of too many times that I've felt uncomfortable.

I had been so worried about getting the food ready that I didn't take the time to think about what we were actually doing and where we were going.  I was more worried about how Josh would handle things.  Once we arrived, I didn't know what to say or what to do.  I stuck with my good friend from our group like we were attached at the hip.  It dawned on me very quickly that this didn't bother Josh in the way it did me.  There was also a paramedic in our group and when I asked them about it, they said it was because they see this every day.  It wasn't that they weren't bothered by what they saw--it just wasn't breaking news to them.  They easily slipped into professional mode and dealt with it.  

Someone had literally popped the bubble I had been living in.  

Suddenly, I was very much so out of my comfort zone and uncomfortable.  It was like my boots were stuck in the mud and my mouth was full of peanut butter.  I feel like half the time I just watched in shock and amazement.  The comment was made that this is what being the hands and feet of Jesus is--I sure didn't feel like either since I couldn't seem to get either to move.

"The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body.  So it is with Christ...In fact, God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be?" 

1 Corinthians 12: 12, 18-20

I'm thankful the veteran volunteers knew exactly what to do and in some way expected shock and amazement from the newcomers.

At one point, the leaders noticed a potentially horrible situation.  For her safety, our group left quickly as she was being watched.  A few people went back to find her but she was gone--the man watching her was not.  It breaks my heart---I guess I come from a different mind set and background.  I didn't understand why she didn't hop in the back of the van, yelling for help.  We would have taken her far away to safety.  Why didn't she scream for help?  Why? Why? Why?  Why is this happening?  What is wrong with people?  How could you hurt another human like that?  

For now, I pray and hope maybe next time we can do more for her.

I am confident I was moved out of my comfort zone because it's where God wanted me on that day.  It's good to be out of our normal zone--there is so much to learn out there.  It was a Father's gentle nudge in an area I needed to see and be active in.

This day made me realize how incredibly cruel and hurtful humans are to each other.  Something I had now seen first hand, where before I merely only heard about.  But it also confirmed what I thought all along--People are still incredibly generous and loving towards others.

"Love your neighbor as yourself.  Love does no harm to its neighbor.  Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law."  Romans 13:9b-10

What I know 30 years later...

There were many things that have stressed me out about this birthday.  And stressed probably isn't the correct word anyway because it is what it is and I'm OK with that.  I felt like I'd be wearing a banner around that announced my graduation to the next age bracket. Maybe because it's a huge leap from being a young adult to just an adult.  It could have to do with the fact that when I fill out surveys now, I'm no longer in the 20-29 range.  There is something about not being in my 20's anymore that makes me feel less youthful...and if I had any cool factor before I'm pretty sure it might be gone now.

I am by no means old (right?) but there are a few things I've noticed these past 30 years:

1. Some people don't make it to this mile-stone and I am ever so thankful that I have.  In my graduating class alone, sadly, there are too many that have not gotten to celebrate this day, or rather their day.

2.  This feels weird, but it is OK.  Sometimes when I hear people talk about college-agers or early 20-somethings I instantly think, "Oh, so they are about my age."  BUT, there is usually a big difference between someone who is 21 and 29+.  The difference is OK--it's just a difference, not good or bad.  I think so much can happen in those 10 years that can define and change each person.

3.  I am now just an adult.  Plain. Simple.  Adult.  Secretly, I hope and love when people call me a young lady, sweetheart, girl, or honey.  Some are offended by it but I see it as still being youthful.  When people start calling me ma'am--well, that is an entirely different mile-stone that shouldn't come for many, many, many years!

4.  I may be 30 (there I said it) but I will always be my Mom and Dad's little girl.  They text me often, check to see how I am, and after I drive to visit, well, they have my drive home timed...and my cell phone starts ringing the moment I pull off the highway ramp, "Just checking to make sure you made it home OK...."  It's good to be someones little girl.

5.  I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be allowed to hold the communion tray at church by myself.  I'm not sure how it all started, probably people being helpful but it never fails--no matter who sits next to me, they hold on to it.  If I have a person on each side each one holds onto the tray until the person on my other side has a firm grip.  If I'm sitting by myself, the usher retains his grip.  I wonder if I  have the look that says, "yup, that girl is going to spill the grape juice everywhere."  For the record, I've never spilled any or dropped as much as one cracker.

6.  Drama--I didn't have time for it 10 years ago and I have even less now.  I'm not into drama, pot-stirring, digging things up or getting people going.  I just want everyone to be happy and loved.  Is that too much to ask?  Spending time with each other is just too important--it's important to encourage and lift-up, not tear down.

7.  This decade has brought on more personal confidence than I thought possible.  Some of this could be moving to an entirely different city and finding my way here but I'm doing things I wouldn't have pictured myself doing before, in high school, college or early adult.  A few months back I was on stage at our church talking...it was only 30 seconds but I still did it.  It took lots of prayer but not something I would have done 5 or even 10 years ago.  I've gone out of my way to talk to people I don't know, invite people for lunch to make new friends, and genuinely forge relationships with new people.  I think I've solidified more of who I am and who I want to be than any other time in my life.   I don't want to be scared of other people, meeting new friends or trying new things.   I don't want to have regrets and look back in 20 years and wish I wouldn't have been such a weenie about things.  Mostly, being moved out of my comfort zone was terrifying at first but I've learned once I'm out of "the safe zone"--well, it's kind of nice out here and I like it.

8.    The past couple years has brought on more confidence in mothering.  It's a hard job--and I feel like the first year, all people do is give you advice on what you should or should not do.  The only unsolicited advice I'll give new moms is, "People will give you all sorts of advice on what you should or should not do with your new baby, but God gave you this baby and he will also equip you to be a good mother.  Seek advice from only those you really trust."  I've honed in on my own mothering instinct and I follow that.  I've surrounded myself with Moms that have great advice and show what being a Godly mother looks like.  Whether you have 1 or 19 all mothers get stares and silent judgement but I've learned to ignore that.  I'm doing the job God trusted me to do and I'm doing the best I can.

9.  I'm certainly not where I thought I'd be--and thank God for that!!  If you had asked me as a senior in high school where I would be when I was 30 it would not be where I am at now.  I had big plans to move up the corporate ladder as an accountant, have an assistant, a nice little sports car with personalized tags, and a nice paycheck to go with it.  I envisioned myself traveling for my job and being "really important."  I was going to be that lady in the airport, catching a plane in a black suit and heels, carrying my designer bag and computer.  I'm really not any of that--I did graduate with a Bachelor's in Accounting and worked as an accountant for nearly 7 years but that is where the similarities end.  I push a stroller through the airport, wearing slip on crocs (they are very practical), carrying a book bag full of cheddar bunnies and fruit snacks.  I don't have an assistant, I am the assistant.   I drive a mini-van (which is a long story on its own).  I'm content with the paycheck I have.  I'm not important to hundreds of people at a corporation but I am important to a few people.  I'm important to God--and most importantly, I've learned to see my value and worth through Him.  He loves me no matter what I'm carrying at the airport, if have an assistant or I am the assistant.  He's not ashamed that I drive a mini-van.  He is proud of what I have accomplished, not of what I thought I could accomplish.  He values all 30 of my years and so do I.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
That he loves us!

-John Mark McMillan

So today I did what any normal 30 year old would do--took my son to Chuck-e-Cheese!  Ha!  Rory could not understand why in the world we would not go there for my birthday.  He had a blast--and I've realized (we will make this #10) as a Mom I have more fun watching my family and others have fun than doing something just for me.  We had a blast and I wouldn't change one minute of it!