What I know 30 years later...

There were many things that have stressed me out about this birthday.  And stressed probably isn't the correct word anyway because it is what it is and I'm OK with that.  I felt like I'd be wearing a banner around that announced my graduation to the next age bracket. Maybe because it's a huge leap from being a young adult to just an adult.  It could have to do with the fact that when I fill out surveys now, I'm no longer in the 20-29 range.  There is something about not being in my 20's anymore that makes me feel less youthful...and if I had any cool factor before I'm pretty sure it might be gone now.

I am by no means old (right?) but there are a few things I've noticed these past 30 years:

1. Some people don't make it to this mile-stone and I am ever so thankful that I have.  In my graduating class alone, sadly, there are too many that have not gotten to celebrate this day, or rather their day.

2.  This feels weird, but it is OK.  Sometimes when I hear people talk about college-agers or early 20-somethings I instantly think, "Oh, so they are about my age."  BUT, there is usually a big difference between someone who is 21 and 29+.  The difference is OK--it's just a difference, not good or bad.  I think so much can happen in those 10 years that can define and change each person.

3.  I am now just an adult.  Plain. Simple.  Adult.  Secretly, I hope and love when people call me a young lady, sweetheart, girl, or honey.  Some are offended by it but I see it as still being youthful.  When people start calling me ma'am--well, that is an entirely different mile-stone that shouldn't come for many, many, many years!

4.  I may be 30 (there I said it) but I will always be my Mom and Dad's little girl.  They text me often, check to see how I am, and after I drive to visit, well, they have my drive home timed...and my cell phone starts ringing the moment I pull off the highway ramp, "Just checking to make sure you made it home OK...."  It's good to be someones little girl.

5.  I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be allowed to hold the communion tray at church by myself.  I'm not sure how it all started, probably people being helpful but it never fails--no matter who sits next to me, they hold on to it.  If I have a person on each side each one holds onto the tray until the person on my other side has a firm grip.  If I'm sitting by myself, the usher retains his grip.  I wonder if I  have the look that says, "yup, that girl is going to spill the grape juice everywhere."  For the record, I've never spilled any or dropped as much as one cracker.

6.  Drama--I didn't have time for it 10 years ago and I have even less now.  I'm not into drama, pot-stirring, digging things up or getting people going.  I just want everyone to be happy and loved.  Is that too much to ask?  Spending time with each other is just too important--it's important to encourage and lift-up, not tear down.

7.  This decade has brought on more personal confidence than I thought possible.  Some of this could be moving to an entirely different city and finding my way here but I'm doing things I wouldn't have pictured myself doing before, in high school, college or early adult.  A few months back I was on stage at our church talking...it was only 30 seconds but I still did it.  It took lots of prayer but not something I would have done 5 or even 10 years ago.  I've gone out of my way to talk to people I don't know, invite people for lunch to make new friends, and genuinely forge relationships with new people.  I think I've solidified more of who I am and who I want to be than any other time in my life.   I don't want to be scared of other people, meeting new friends or trying new things.   I don't want to have regrets and look back in 20 years and wish I wouldn't have been such a weenie about things.  Mostly, being moved out of my comfort zone was terrifying at first but I've learned once I'm out of "the safe zone"--well, it's kind of nice out here and I like it.

8.    The past couple years has brought on more confidence in mothering.  It's a hard job--and I feel like the first year, all people do is give you advice on what you should or should not do.  The only unsolicited advice I'll give new moms is, "People will give you all sorts of advice on what you should or should not do with your new baby, but God gave you this baby and he will also equip you to be a good mother.  Seek advice from only those you really trust."  I've honed in on my own mothering instinct and I follow that.  I've surrounded myself with Moms that have great advice and show what being a Godly mother looks like.  Whether you have 1 or 19 all mothers get stares and silent judgement but I've learned to ignore that.  I'm doing the job God trusted me to do and I'm doing the best I can.

9.  I'm certainly not where I thought I'd be--and thank God for that!!  If you had asked me as a senior in high school where I would be when I was 30 it would not be where I am at now.  I had big plans to move up the corporate ladder as an accountant, have an assistant, a nice little sports car with personalized tags, and a nice paycheck to go with it.  I envisioned myself traveling for my job and being "really important."  I was going to be that lady in the airport, catching a plane in a black suit and heels, carrying my designer bag and computer.  I'm really not any of that--I did graduate with a Bachelor's in Accounting and worked as an accountant for nearly 7 years but that is where the similarities end.  I push a stroller through the airport, wearing slip on crocs (they are very practical), carrying a book bag full of cheddar bunnies and fruit snacks.  I don't have an assistant, I am the assistant.   I drive a mini-van (which is a long story on its own).  I'm content with the paycheck I have.  I'm not important to hundreds of people at a corporation but I am important to a few people.  I'm important to God--and most importantly, I've learned to see my value and worth through Him.  He loves me no matter what I'm carrying at the airport, if have an assistant or I am the assistant.  He's not ashamed that I drive a mini-van.  He is proud of what I have accomplished, not of what I thought I could accomplish.  He values all 30 of my years and so do I.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
That he loves us!

-John Mark McMillan

So today I did what any normal 30 year old would do--took my son to Chuck-e-Cheese!  Ha!  Rory could not understand why in the world we would not go there for my birthday.  He had a blast--and I've realized (we will make this #10) as a Mom I have more fun watching my family and others have fun than doing something just for me.  We had a blast and I wouldn't change one minute of it!